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Eight NFL documentary subjects better than Tom Brady

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We’re not going to notice it at first.

We’re going to be a few innocent hours into the Tom Brady docuseries in 2021, satiated by a few lame, approved-by-Brady-Inc nuggets about the divorce from the Patriots and Bill Belichick and all of a sudden we’ll land here …

SCENE: Clips of Brady in practice at the University of Michigan, throwing an incomplete pass next to Drew Henson. Brady, clearly frustrated, shakes his head wondering why he’s struggling mentally despite having prepared so hard.

BRADY: And that’s when I realized my body was low on a signature alkaline found only in Himalayan sea salt. And here at TB12, we harvest our own on site, which results in a saving that we pass on directly to you!

The truth is that we’re all marks now. A sucker used to be born every minute but is now born at five times the speed. No matter our hobbies, interests, beliefs, wants, fears or desires, there is someone trying to jam the approved aesthetic of said personality trait down our throats for an exorbitant amount of money. Love the environment? Here is a $95 pair of biodegradable Allbirds you must purchase for when it’s too cold for Birkenstocks. Do you “support law enforcement?” Here’s a black and blue flag burned into teak wood you must mount over your fireplace and a pair of tactical military sunglasses that make you look like a member of the Guy Fieri Special Opps.

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